After digging out and boxing up the pathway to the shed I got an idea about bench space within the studio. Lacking bench space within the studio and no money to install the timber bench top size I need, I have decided to use concrete. It took me a while to get my head around such an idea however after nutting it all out it is possible and I am rather encouraged by the design.

Concrete bench top? Its hard to describe however after mentally nutting it out it looks in my mind as a solid, interesting and totally different alternative to a timber work bench. The good thing for me is that it is cheap as chips, the major cost in a project such as this is the labour.

Since reading about existentialism and its basics I have made a few changes to how I think and view the world. With that said I still have flashes of anxiety when my mind shifts back to old ways and trys to grasp the inevitable.All in all with an existentialists viewpoint it allows the anxiety to pass by and helps me concentrate on the crux of it all. Living authentically helps, not easily put into practice however it helps and is allowing me to move direction and see the positive in both myself and the world.

I am still hitting a few brickwalls though, I think they call that life and have to front the magistrates court on the 21st June on a charge of obscene language. Yep had another bender however this time was confronted by a couple of pimple faced constables who still think that saying fuck in public is being a public nuisance. It should be amusing as this 45 year old fronts the magistrate and trys to explain what he was doing out at 3.30am and full of piss and bad manners. They normally leave me alone as I have never been charged with this sort of shit before, I see them, they see me and I have never antagonized them and made their job harder than what it is. I am not looking forward to the charge sheet as I really dont know what happened except I know I took offence to being told that swearing in public is an offence. At 3.30am there was no older people, young kids or anyone who would have given a fuck anyway. I make it a point never to swear in front of those that dont need that sort of shit. So yeh it should be a good waste of a morning for the court and the $100.00 fine that goes with it all.

I'm making the right moves to live an authentic life, not so easy  making such a quantum leap  however I am active and engaged with the big one - positiveness, an authentic life. This year I named my Journal 'to be or not to be' because I have decided to take charge of my life this year and make a few changes on how I view the world and hopefully move away from my dominating negative, self destructive side.

So what have I done in the last couple of months that has been positive and motivating for me as a person. For one I have pried my head out of my ass, and actually had a look at what life offers, what are the most important things I need to change, no not change, more like fucken do, in order to be me.

Contradictions, I absolutely hate them (and am now beginning to love them) however I now find myself in such a position. For the past 20 years or so I have thought of Universities as breading grounds for sameness, where our youth go as an extension to their pre-taught reliance on authority. Hey guess what I still think that way however am not so narrow minded on this subject and have pulled my head out of my ass long enough to take a look.